


Bringing Ugly Back

by Shachaai



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Christmas - jumper - nonsense, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 19:51:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19730626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shachaai/pseuds/Shachaai
Summary: Australia's taste in Christmas jumpers might just make New Zealand's eyeballs burn out of his skull.





	Bringing Ugly Back

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from my tumblr.

Never is New Zealand more grateful that he has opted out of _any_ sort of gift exchange or secret santa that Australia is involved in for the past five years than when Australia abruptly bursts into his home one blazing hot afternoon wearing a Christmas-themed jumper _so hideous_ New Zealand instinctively throws the book in his hands at the intruder, his hindbrain insisting that the _thing_ in front of him is something that England or one of his siblings has accidentally summoned to give him nightmares. Again.

 _“Hey!”_ cries Australia, waving the tentacle-like things that currently pass for his arms in front of himself to avoid the hard edge of a book hitting him in the face.

 _“…Oz?_ ” New Zealand gapes, seeing his idiot brother’s head amongst the Eldritch horror, and realises his mistake. Not that his horror reduces by much. “Did you go through my airport security wearing _that?_!”

 _‘That’_ is probably a jumper that Australia is proudly wearing, though the garment fits the definition simply because it appears to be made of thick, soft material and is knitted into a shape that allows it to be worn… somehow… on a human torso. It’s huge and red and patterned with _things_ that are probably meant to be snowflakes and reindeer and Christmas trees, and looks like some kind of amorphous alien/blob/sea creature made of eternal nightmares trying to devour Australia whole, its hem hanging lopsided almost to his knees, its cuffs mismatched in length but still… _dribbling_ past his knuckles, and its collar… mostly nonexistent because it’s impossible to tell, amongst all the lumps and bumps in the weave, if a collar had even been attempted in the first place.

It has glittery pom-poms sewn onto it. And jingly bells. It’s knobbly, bobbly, lumpy all over and ugly as sin, and New Zealand only feels a little guilty thinking that because he’s not even sure if the ‘jumper’ is dead yet. There’s probably a whole _sheep_ knitted into its pattern.

“They should’ve denied you entry at the border,” says New Zealand, and tries not to frown too much when Australia only laughs at him. (They hardly ever deny Australia entry at the border, except for when he brings wildlife with him. None of the border agents have the patience or training to deal with Australia’s super-condensed kind of trouble.)

“I got it in the gov secret santa! It’s hideous and I _love_ it.”

“Go love it elsewhere,” New Zealand says firmly, ignoring the fact he can see Australia has brought a suitcase with him. Australia is not staying in his country wearing _that_. “Somewhere _cold._ You’ll die of heatstroke wearing that.”

“This jumper could fight the _sun,_ ” Australia declares, red-cheeked and crazy in the face of the Christmas summer sun - and New Zealand is inclined to believe him.

He goes over to his brother to pick up his poor battered book, having lost his page entirely. “When you lose, I hope it burns.”

Australia looks wounded (and New Zealand only cares because it makes him wonder whether the jumper is finally beginning to digest its wearer). “Zea, you could be more supportive. I’m gonna win _every ugly Christmas jumper competition ever_ with this thing.”

“It’s _summer,_ Oz. When you die due to overheating, I will supportively help carry your coffin.” New Zealand steps back before Australia can attempt to clamp a hand down on his shoulder - if Australia can even find his own hands at present -, holding up his book as a barrier between them. He can use it as a weapon - again - if necessary, and if he accidentally kills Australia with it and someone catches him with the corpse before Australia wakes up once more, New Zealand has the legal defence that he was protecting himself and his home from a wild animal attack. “Do you want to be buried, cremated, or fed to your wild dingoes?”


End file.
